A Small Measure of Peace

My brief visit to Missouri was nice. I was only actually home for about four hours, though. Basically, I loaded up my car full of crap that I don't need for the rest of the summer--a preliminary move-out, if you will. I spent most of the time playing video games at my brother's house, since he conveniently lives a stone's throw away from the church where the wedding was. I got to see their new beagle, Jack. He's an attention hog, and I love him.

The wedding was kind of a strange experience for me. At the reception, there was about a table's woth of people I knew from Truman, and we did some catching up. Two years later, there we all were. Except not all of us; there were a few people I would have liked to see who weren't there. I guess that's typical of weddings. It was just strange to look back two years and see how so many people are married now (and Ling even has a baby!), how much we've changed, and how distanced we've become by our own experiences. Calmer, more wizened.

Anyway, I'm happy for Sarah. I talked to her briefly when she made her rounds at the reception.

A lot of the conversation was, naturally, about what I personally will do next, now that I finished my Master of Music degree. When you don’t have a plan, having that conversation ten times grows tiresome. The bottom line is, I can go anywhere.

I have a small problem with KC. Housing. What I want, I can’t have. I want a one-person shack on a gravel road somewhere just outside south KC. A place where I can listen to music on my back porch and watch the sun set while I have a root beer or something. No neighbors, just space. And low rent. This is impossible.

Kansas City, Sydney, Brisbane… I could just as easily be in Seattle for a couple years. I don’t have anything solid, just options that aren’t really options. What am I supposed to do for a job, anyway? This is somewhat depressing, yet strangely relaxing at the same time. I am liberated by endless possibilities. People tell me I should travel now, while I’m not tied down.

If nothing else, I’m going backpacking through Australia. I’m going to Australia one way or another. Whether it’s on an internship or on a shoestring, I’m going there soon.

Mostly I just like the idea of sitting on a back porch alone, sweating away the final daylight hours to music. Maybe a lab-retriever at my side…

Things have quieted down for me a bit now. I’m finally sinking into the peace and quiet I wanted. I’m probably going to just be a Lake Erie beach bum for the next two months (I already have a tan going on somehow).

It’s lonesome, yet peaceful.

"As for the American Captain, no one knows what became of him. Some say that he died of his wounds. Others, that he returned to his own country. But I like to think he may have at last found some small measure of peace, that we all seek, and few of us ever find."
--Simon Graham, The Last Samurai