Sunshine Suppository
Every cloud has a silver lining. It’s always darkest right before dawn. Things are never really as bad as they seem. Tomorrow is a new day. If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. The best is yet to come. You are the future leaders of the world. Follow your dreams. Anything is possible. Chin up! Success is 98% attitude! You can do it. Expect great things, and will them to happen. Do what you love, and success will find you. Life is beautiful!
Quityerbitchin. Instead of moping about it, why don’t you take action and do something to make it better? You’re not the only one with problems, you know. It could be worse. You brought this upon yourself. Whine and complain. Oh, get over it already. Pussy.
Hey, I found a quarter!
Wait, that’s not a quarter. That’s dog poop.
posted by the warrior bard at 10:50 PM
29 Comments:
And here I was just starting to feel ok with myself and now you've somehow strangely guilted me into thinking I'm a complete fuck-up!
Thanks a lot there Stuart Smalley!
word verification: yhxvvwfag (nothing like a little intolerance with your word verification)
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 8:00:00 AM
I thought I'd present both sides of the coin.
It sure is bright down there...
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 8:05:00 AM
I think I'm going to go slit my wrists now. Thank you.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 12:19:00 PM
Glad I could help.
One day, when I live alone again, and when your wife is out of town or something, you and I are going to drink good beer and/or scotch until we pass out.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 2:37:00 PM
I know how this bedtime story ends. You're just going to pretend like you've passed out and then take pictures of us in compromising positions, aren't you?
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 3:00:00 PM
Are you Butters or Cartman?
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 3:28:00 PM
I'm pretty sure I'm Cartman. All the crappy stuff seems to happen to you.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 3:31:00 PM
Yes, but considering the mistake Cartman made in that episode...
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 4:01:00 PM
Yeah. Uh, I don't remember.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 4:50:00 PM
Basically, you do not want to be Cartman. Trust me.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 9:31:00 PM
I've more or less settled up with my roommates over the yard fiasco. I'm tired. This will never happen again. Ever.
Tuesday, December 04, 2007 9:32:00 PM
At least not until the next time it happens anyway, right?
Sorry, going back to my hole now...
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 6:06:00 AM
The next place I live, my roommate is going to be a female, so she doesn't suck at keeping up with stuff, and she's going to be a deaf mute. And she's going to be a non-English-speaking deaf mute, just to make sure she can't piss me off verbally. And she's going to have four arms so she can do everything herself. That would be the ideal roommate situation.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 8:18:00 AM
I think we're setting the bar just a teensy-beensy bit high.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 9:28:00 AM
I guess a robot would suffice. A robot with four arms, a rocket launcher, and programmed with the voice of Jason Statham.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 11:14:00 AM
Now THAT'S awesome.
The voice of Jason Statham was the selling point.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 11:54:00 AM
So... waitaminute... you just said you wanted a female roommate. So it stands to reason that you want a four-armed robot female... with the voice of Jason Statham?
Huh.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:06:00 PM
No. A female or a robot. I knew somebody would point that out. Thanks for not letting me down.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:07:00 PM
Because if the "female" carries over, so would the "deaf mute" part. How can a deaf mute have the voice of Jason Statham?
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:08:00 PM
It's like you described the plot of some sort of horrible brain-switching movie.
So, somewhere there's Jason Statham's body walking around with the brain of a four-armed female robot in it?
What kind of ass does it kick? Or is it busy raking leaves in your yard?
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:10:00 PM
How can a deaf mute have the voice of Jason Statham?
That's apparently why the brains were switched. It was a neurological problem. The fact that it was Jason Statham's brain is just coincidence.
And his unfortunate timing (of being near KC).
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:13:00 PM
To elaborate. I can only assume that the deaf-mute part wasn't your exact fantasy, but your mind's rationale i.e. the only way your getting a four-armed woman is if she's deaf and mute. Like that's the genetic Option Package B. You don't want the deaf-mute, but it comes with the four-arms and moon roof package.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:16:00 PM
And GPS.
No, she would have to be a deaf mute so that we can't argue about who needs to buy toilet paper next time and such things like that. It's an assurance that we'll get along, really. Also she wouldn't be able to watch repeats of some crappy show in the living room. Unless it has closed captioning, in which case it can be turned down.
The better question to ask is, would a robot need to buy toilet paper for the house? What sort of elaborate human replica are we talking here?
And the idea of having a robot instead of a human would be so that it has no personality to carry drama or disagreements of any kind, but I'd be willing to put up with it if it sounded like Jason Statham.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:20:00 PM
Good to have you back.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 1:23:00 PM
Also she wouldn't be able to watch repeats of some crappy show in the living room.
Unless she was watching Seinfeld with you.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 2:09:00 PM
...
...
...
...
...
...I want a divorce.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 2:29:00 PM
From me or your he/she robot who may or may not be a deaf-mute with the voice of Jason Statham?
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 2:54:00 PM
Now why would I be married to a robot? That just doesn't make any sense. Seriously, man. You're being silly now.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007 2:55:00 PM
(...)
You brought it up. Just sayin'
Thursday, December 06, 2007 10:52:00 AM
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