A New Hope

The job sucks. The apartment sucks. The neighborhood sucks.

I’m going to be as concise as I can here. I’m not going to detail every frantic thought and twist of fate of the past few weeks, but I will cover the main points of my conclusion.

There’s too much overhead and I am asphyxiating enough as it is. A dead-end job with the threat of total discontinuation is not the most cheerful first thought one can have in the morning. So when you consider the fact that I am actually worse off financially than I was when I began this operation, it follows that one should cut one’s losses.

My lease is up at the end of September. I am moving. Where am I moving to?

I have been spending almost all my free time the past few weeks scouting apartments and jobs. I have applied for several jobs. I joined a roommate match service. Ultimately, it’s all just one shot in the dark after another. You can be determined as all hell, but that won’t necessarily save you. Where there’s a will, there’s a way? No… where there’s a will, there’s a dead guy’s lawyer.

I saw an ad on Craigslist.org, to which I have responded. There’s this quadriplegic civil litigations attorney in Overland Park, just south of the Oak Park Mall. In exchange for free rent, three guys take turns helping out around the house. There’s an opening for the third guy. That’s where I come in. I’ve already met the guy (and one of the roommates), seen the house, and asked and answered all the questions I can think of. Pending a background check, I should be able to move in. It’s a symbiosis. Free rent in exchange for minor butler services.

If he picks someone else, then I have no choice but to move out of Kansas City and into my brother’s house in St. Charles. I have accepted either eventuality. Either one will demand a lot of sacrifice on my part regarding time and resources. Either one will be free rent. Whatever. I’m tired of worrying about it now. Just pick one, Universe.

Either solution should offer more in the way of composition time. And that is always a step in the right direction.

Sometime in September, the McAninches (Mac and MJ) are coming here to help move furniture. I will be sure to reward them with dinner (and mucho Margaritas) at Baja 600.

I want to remain here, to cultivate the things I have been building. Life Group is almost finally to the point of being life-giving. I want to have more cigars with Herr Vogler. I want to continue sparring and high rolling with The Reverend. I want to progress in Shotokan, not just bounce around the plateau.

Just as importantly, I want some freaking money. Amanda Plocher suggested I look into being a bank teller, which offers much in the way of long-term benefits and promotion. Eventually, Dean and I might get into investing. Any sort of financial optimism is only in its infancy, mind you. But anything would be a step in the right direction.

Where does that “direction” lead? The private music conservatory idea? The collaborative scoring with Dean’s video games or Dan’s films? Composing for Brad’s ensemble while juggling several other commissions? Anything is possible, but nothing is probable. For now, I’ll be satisfied if I can pay off my student loans and get my Godforsaken software to work properly.

“Even for a little while… people can sleep in their beds without being afraid. That kind of time is worth anything. ‘Don’t say it isn’t worth it.’ Your words that day, Yuna—I remember them well.”
--Tidus