My Kingdom for a Duduk
Until I can actually convert my thoughts into .AIFF, I will not be satisfied with my music technology.
posted by the warrior bard at 9:42 AM
Saturday, August 25, 2007
About Me
- Name: the warrior bard
- Location: If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from.
You know who I am. If you don't, you stumbled across this blog by accident and you have my pity (but not my apologies).
Previous Posts
- Blood, Sweat, Tears
- Mantra
- Choose Your Own Adventure
- Finity
- Bourne to Party
- Indiscretion
- Discretion
- Thanks for Nothing
- Wilhelm
- Be Like Water
77 Comments:
"I am constant as the northern star..."
"I'd give real money if he'd shut up."
Sunday, August 26, 2007 12:53:00 PM
At least we're past the Kobayashi Maru. Hey, pretty soon, we'll even bust out the Next Generation references!
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 3:49:00 PM
I'm not so good with those. I didn't watch it quite as religiously as some (ahem, the Pikey, ahem).
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 6:15:00 PM
I kind of want to see the third one again soon. Hate the fifth, the fourth was zany at best, and the first is a bore-fest rehash of a classic episode. Second and sixth are total sweetness. But I don't remember the third one very well.
Do a Schenkerian analysis of that paragraph.
No, don't.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:17:00 PM
Whatever happened to the pikey, anyway?
"I guess I'm losing my sex appeal."
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 8:20:00 PM
That was a bit of a bizarre placement of Connery.
But what actually surprises me is that it surprised me.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 9:34:00 PM
It is true that 2 and 6 totally rock one's face off.
The only saving grace of 5 is Jerry Goldsmith's score and even he was phoning it in.
I was never really that in to 3. Clearly Christopher Lloyd was having a good time, but that was the only entertaining part. Although 3 might have the single greatest score cue in all of the Star Trek films: 'Stealing the Enterprise' (as the Pikey has pointed out before).
I was glad that 4 did lighten the mood up a little bit (as much as an unknown spacecraft draining Earth's oceans and potentially destroying all life as we know it can be lighthearted).
The people who think that 4 is the best 1) in all likelihood haven't seen 2 and 2) are the same people who like Return of the Jedi because the Ewoks are cute (by the way, it should be understood that I am in no way, shape or form attacking your enjoyment of 4; I said people who say it's the "best"). To paraphrase George Carlin: Fuck the Ewoks. Ewoks suck.
I'm not the one to be asking about Schenkerian analysis. I hate the stuff. My wife totally kicked my ass at Schenker.
That being said I'd say that your paragraph is a 3-2-1 melody with an interrupted structure.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007 10:34:00 PM
When someone recommends a DVD marathon including IV, I do tend to groan. It is fun, though...
As Aaron Marx pointed out, Star Trek IV is essentially just a "zany time-travel adventure" which happens to be a Star Trek movie. Once he said that I could totally see it. On the other hand, time travel has always been a part of Star Trek. Every series/franchise has done it several times. I remember Sarah Silverman was in Voyager... weird.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8:15:00 AM
I might as well just let Bill Shatner manage my blog, because it's always going to come back to him anyway.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8:16:00 AM
Sitting through a DVD marathon that includes IV, V and Generations is, to me, its own Kobayashi Maru.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:38:00 AM
Don't forget the stale popcorn and warm, flat beer.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:40:00 AM
And let's not forget that Star Trek IV is really just a slight modification of Nicholas Meyer's directorial debut Time After Time in which H.G. Wells follows Jack the Ripper from Victorian England to 1970s San Francisco.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:46:00 AM
Anachronistic humor... very common in time travel.
"I think he did a little too much LDS."
"LDS?"
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 9:57:00 AM
anachronistic...time travel...awesome
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 10:20:00 AM
"Baseball and time travel."
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 10:23:00 AM
Anachronistic. Time. Travel.
Old. Friend.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 11:11:00 AM
"This is the part where you remind me that logic alone dictates your actions?"
"I would not remind you of that which you know so well."
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 11:29:00 AM
It's... almost-as-though... we've all turned... into-William-Shatner...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 11:32:00 AM
Yup. Killed your own post with that one.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 3:56:00 PM
It had nothing to live for anyway.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 4:31:00 PM
"I go, and it is done; the bell invites me.
Hear it not, Duncan, for it is a knell
That summons thee to heaven or to hell."
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 4:38:00 PM
I go... and... itisdone.
The bell... invites. Me.
Hear it... not. Duncan. Foritisa--
knell
Thatsummonsthee. To heaven. Or to... hell.
It's the Shatner Echo!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 7:13:00 PM
Or, should I say, Shatnerian Echo?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 7:47:00 PM
So I should have said to do a Shatnerian analysis?
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8:10:00 PM
Zero hour...
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8:11:00 PM
And... that's as good a place as any to stop.
Right there.
The End.
"Post" mortem.
Guffaw.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 10:12:00 PM
SEE WHAT I MEAN?!?!?
I'M TOO FUCKING TIRED TO KEEP UP WITH THIS SHIT!!!!
...and you wonder where I've been? Jeesh!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 6:10:00 AM
Oh, and...keep...inmind, that...Star Trek IV...despite it's...quirkycuteness, was...STILL the...highest grossing...ofalltenfilms!!!
Damn, it is like some kind of virus!
"Let the Shat flow through you!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 6:42:00 AM
I don't blame you, Pikey. I sleepwalk through my own blog. It demands too much...
Thursday, August 30, 2007 8:06:00 AM
I love how three of you are clamoring for the termination of comments on this post when nobody has even said a word related to the content. Nope, nobody here but us Star Trek jokes...
If I can call one sentence a post, that is.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 8:10:00 AM
I at least tried to create continuity from your post title.
Ah yes, the cunning use of Shakespeare.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 9:27:00 AM
Uhh... I think your comeback was more cunning than my title.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 9:46:00 AM
If we can break the 42-comment record, this could prove to be the most inane post of all time!!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 9:51:00 AM
What makes you think I'm going to help you pad the comments on this post just so you can get past 42?
Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:11:00 AM
dammit!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:12:00 AM
Let the shat flow through you?
Are you sure about that? Sure about that wording.
I'd say "The Shatner" before "shat". Kinda like the "The Swayze".
Oh, and get thee to a nunnery.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:12:00 AM
And honestly, in reference to your title... I think a duduk might go for a bit more than your kingdom right now.
A smidge.
A skosh.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:21:00 AM
Considering the fact that my kingdom consists of little more than an anonymous, bug-infested apartment north of the rotting shell of Bannister Mall, you might be right.
In fact, this is the only time a Wal-Mart has died without a new one springing up right next to it. Wal-Mart is like a snake, leaving dead skin everywhere. But I digress.
With regards to "padding" my comments... for you to pad them, that would imply that there is actual substance to begin with.
This entire post has been essentially the outtakes of another.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:53:00 AM
I could buy a cheap duduk for about $40, but I wouldn't be able to play it very well and I don't have quality microphones (let alone a good recording space).
Thursday, August 30, 2007 10:54:00 AM
Just make sure you buy a duduk pitched in F. That way you can play every duduk line ever written by Hans Zimmer.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:07:00 AM
Well, I'm glad you don't think I want a duduk just because of Battlestar Galactica... although I'm not sure which is more of a pigeonhole. Let's not forget Children of Dune. Whatever, it's a good-ass instrument!
Good ass instrument? Well, it is a wind instrument...
Hey, we're actually talking about duduks now!!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:23:00 AM
Maybe I'll get a beginner one, too, and we'll incorporate it into my fictional ensemble.
That's 42.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:48:00 AM
You bastard, we were supposed to break 42, but this comment doesn't count as 43 because I had to say that.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 11:55:00 AM
Whatever. It counts, if I make this comment worthwhile.
Yes, Mid-East.com is a website I found a couple years ago. I have a cane flute and Irish whistle from them, and I intend to further enhance my world instrument collection once I have the funds. Then I need a good recording setup.
I still like your ensemble idea, and I hope to write for it, if it ever gets realized. If wishes were horses, I'd be hung like a... wait... what?
Star Trek: Generations is not a bad movie.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:01:00 PM
yes..itis.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:04:00 PM
I did forget to agree with you about the duduk being awesome.
And since I don't watch Battlestar I wouldn't have that association. I don't even think Children of Dune. Nope. I think Hans Zimmer. Which is a good thing.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:06:00 PM
I have a slidewhistle... can you write for that?
Oh! And a jawharp!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:30:00 PM
Balls. Lick. Now.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:42:00 PM
If you really have those instruments, and you really want me to, I'll write you a duet.
I shall call it:
Ballenlickenmusik.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:44:00 PM
I have neither of those instruments.
I want neither of those instruments.
I have samples of both of those instruments.
There has never been a conventional good-use of those instruments.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:46:00 PM
I thought so.
I do like the the use of the mouth harp in At World's End.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:48:00 PM
It depends entirely on what you mean by "conventional"...
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:50:00 PM
Hmmm... 53 comments... I can see why nobody wants to read this anymore.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 12:50:00 PM
I stopped reading it long ago.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:32:00 PM
Ooh, you could write for your ball harp.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:37:00 PM
So you don't really read, you just pop in now and then to leave a comment? Because, I gotta hand it to ya, that "ball harp" line was great, but it betrays you. You can't drop a line like that out of context.
...
Actually, I take that back. You could.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:40:00 PM
All right, folks! Nothing to see here!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:40:00 PM
Actually, if you were playing ball harp that would be something to see!
Unless you're saying your balls are teeny tiny.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:43:00 PM
Jesus Christ kill it!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 1:49:00 PM
You sound as though the blog is a giant, mutant cockroach... which isn't too far off.
SIXTY!!!!!
I think I'm spent.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 2:39:00 PM
"Die! Die! DIE!!!! GOD DAMN YOU, JUST FUCKING DIE!!!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 2:42:00 PM
Well, at least no one's made the cheap (and obvious) "skin flute" referrence yet!
word verification: zxepkr (I can't make this shit up)
Thursday, August 30, 2007 2:44:00 PM
Ohhhhhhhhh......
sorry!
Thursday, August 30, 2007 2:44:00 PM
Yeah, I was kind of thinking it was like that damned spider in Arachnophobia where you can set it on fire and still it keeps attacking.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 2:50:00 PM
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 3:04:00 PM
Nobody is composing for skin flute here!
*pssst* Brad, wanna come over and work on our etudes together??
Thursday, August 30, 2007 3:34:00 PM
Hey... we almost have 69 comments...
Thursday, August 30, 2007 3:35:00 PM
And that's why we should remain one shy.
Just because we can.
Thursday, August 30, 2007 4:27:00 PM
Fuck that...if I'm good for anything it's posting a shallow, pointless comment just for the cheap thrill of being #69. I think I just peed!
Friday, August 31, 2007 9:48:00 AM
I knew it would be you. Who else. I decided to let you have the honors.
And I get the honors of breaking into a new ten's digit!!
Okay, I think we're actually done now.
Friday, August 31, 2007 9:57:00 AM
Damn. It.
Friday, August 31, 2007 12:11:00 PM
DUDE. By expressing your frustration, you have actually only contributed to it. Welcome to my world.
Friday, August 31, 2007 12:42:00 PM
Where's Starbuck? Isn't she the other Killjoy? The last word?
Friday, August 31, 2007 12:43:00 PM
Now I'm just being a dick.
Friday, August 31, 2007 12:43:00 PM
Yes. Yes, you are.
Friday, August 31, 2007 3:32:00 PM
Guy Two enters, and strolls up to to Guy One. He carries a Styrofoam cup with a spoon in it in his hand.
GUY ONE
Hey, pal. Whatcha got there?
GUY TWO
Oh, this. Nuthin. Some new treat or snack or something.
(motions off screen)
Got it from that vendor over there.
GUY ONE
Really? Huh. Well, how does it taste?
Guy Two samples the substance.
GUY TWO
(arches an eyebrow)
Tastes like... shit.
GUY ONE
Shit? Really?
(peeks in the cup)
Looks like cherry cobbler.
GUY TWO
Well, it sure doesn't taste like cherry cobbler.
GUY ONE
Um, who'd sell something like that?
GUY TWO
Like I said, that vendor over there.
Guy One strolls over to a vendor vehicle, appearing very much like Good Humor truck.
GUY ONE
Dude, that guy over there says that snack you sold him tastes like shit.
VENDOR
Nope. Your friend is mistaken.
GUY ONE
Excuse me?
GUY TWO
Uh, yeah... it does taste like shit. Well, maybe more like raw meat. Raw meat and shit.
GUY ONE
And it looks like cherry cobbler--
VENDOR
It's horse.
GUY ONE & GUY TWO
Wha?
VENDOR
Horse. Hi-ho Silver, and away? It tastes like horse.
The Guys look dumfounded.
VENDOR
Pulped horse to be exact.
Much retching from our heroes.
VENDOR
Listen, fellas. I've got a whole bunch of horses in the back here that I've got to beat to death, and then beat some more - into something resembling the horse meat treat that you've just flung to the ground in disgust. So, if you don't mind--
And with that, the vendor slams the truck's service window shut.
Soon, the sounds of someone furiously and violently beating a dead horse can be heard above the muffled whinnies of horses yet to be beaten.
The End.
Friday, August 31, 2007 3:51:00 PM
You set me up perfectly for that movie idea I had about zombie horses...
Monday, September 03, 2007 1:12:00 PM
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