Thanks for Nothing

Well, I blasted through Outbound Flight and Darth Bane, and I came to a crossroads. The nine-book Legacy of the Force series isn’t even all published yet, and The Lord of the Rings sounded a little too dense for what I’m feeling like. Amanda Plocher talked me into just skipping to the Harry Potter books.

I realized it was silly to wait for all seven paperback editions to be released in a box set; they’re books, not DVDs. There won’t be any extra features in a book. So I just finished Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone today at lunch. I realized that I wanted to read them and have the events be revealed in their natural, narrative form, rather than hear someone give away the seventh book several months from now.

I already knew a major spoiler (a death of a character) that occurs in the sixth book, and I already knew of another death in the fifth book long before I got the chance to see the movie. I thought, “Wow, thanks for nothing, Facebook.” I decided to completely alter my reading schedule based on the reality that people are obtuse pricks and will talk about everything as soon as it happens.

I figured I’d have a grace period of a few weeks before major plot points were ruined in day-to-day, public conversation. I figured I could catch up if I started this week and thus be able to have an enjoyable reading experience.

I was wrong.

Facebook is a social network of friends’ profiles. Unfortunately, it has degenerated into the interior of an eighth-grader’s locker with all its trendy, unnecessary extra features and utilities. One of these, the mini-feed, shoves useless news down your throat. All you do is log in, and you see what people have changed their status to (customizable lines of text), the names of groups they’ve joined, etc.

That last part is the kicker. I log in, and it says, “So and so has joined the group ___________.” The group name told me TWO characters who die in book seven. Thanks, Facebook.

Seriously, where’s the common sense? Common courtesy? Common decency? The book hasn’t even been out for two weeks! That really pissed me off. I’m half tempted to just not even bother reading the books, because all the fun is going to be sucked out of them anyway. Seriously. That’s colossally rude. Why do people so thoughtlessly soil the potential enjoyment for others? It would seem to me that, if you really love these books so much, you would want to spread the enjoyment. Even if you are selfish enough not to care about sharing the fun, look at it this way: if others love it as much, it validates your opinion.

I can understand having an open discussion about plot points on a message board that was specifically created for said book. But this is a page of memos that you can’t filter. I’ve been blindsided by major plot points that should, at the very least, come with the caveat: “SPOILER ALERT!!”

Thanks for nothing, everyone who has ever given away spoilers. I might as well just go on and read Legacy of the Force first, since nothing has been ruined for me yet. You see? You see how this is making me do the complete opposite of my new plan for the exact same reason? I’ll read whatever is most likely to be ruined for me if I don’t read it soon. “But you have to read Harry Potter!! They’re so good, you’ll love ‘em!” If people want me to read a book series, they should shut their yaps and let me read it.

And I have liked Facebook less and less every day.