May Sweeps

Things suddenly seem to be breaking out of the ordinary. Nothing too epic is going on, but enough little things coincide that make me realize what a transparent attempt it is to boost ratings.

For one thing, two more characters are leaving the show. One is a girl in Life Group, who is leaving at the end of the month (it’s almost as though it portends a countdown to a season finale or something). The other was a coworker whose last day was Friday of last week. She was one of the few remaining “original crew” who predated my time at the office. Scary, but I’m almost a veteran.

[Segue]: Being a “veteran,” having worked there for six months now, I got an evaluation Monday, as well as a raise. That’s pretty sweet. Unexpected, too. However, that may not be quite enough to keep me on.

[Segue]: After all, I just applied for a job at UMKC. More money, better resume-builder. Conceivably, I could quit my current job early this summer in preparation for it. If I do that, I will probably want to take a week off between jobs.

[Segue]: During that hypothetical week between jobs, I would probably visit BG for several days. I would crash at the K-man’s, play Frisbee, visit several people in town, loiter at Grounds for Thought, and see if Dr. Lillios herself can fix my software problems.

Thus, a bit of a prophetic tint to the May sweeps… I guess you have to have some foreshadowing to hype it up.

Last night I had coffee with Aaron Zimmerman, who did his undergrad at BGSU. We had much to discuss, not the least of which was his slightly negative take on the dogma of grad school at UMKC. Dogma is everywhere in academia, it just comes in different forms, on different parts of the spectrum. I’m extremely, extremely skeptical about the allegations that compositional dogma doesn’t exist in the Twin Cities.

Aaron couldn’t shed any light on my Logic problem, though. One interesting thing was the revelation that he actually has a part-time job at a very obscure coffee shop I discovered on my weekend explorations. It’s part of the new commons at Longview. I go there sometimes, and I would have run into him eventually. This news came minutes after learning the server guy at Scooter’s goes to school a few blocks from where I work. Small, small world.

At that point, I started theorizing with Aaron that my life is actually written by J.J. Abrams, only boring. I told him I suspected Kansas City actually consists of only 23 people or so, and everyone else is just CGI or something. All these crossovers… it’s just a gimmick for May sweeps. This never would’ve happened in January.

[Segue]: Another thing that didn’t happen in January was the attempted visit from Starbuck. She is, however, finally going to visit this May. You know what that means: meet up with The Reverend and rob a casino.

The following weekend, Memorial Day, I am going to Kirksville to help Mac and MJ move back there from Hannibal. We’re counting on watching At World’s End. We’re also planning on getting blasted and renting Superman III and IV.

Another contributing element of May sweeps is the fact that I just got a zeppelin. I have been flying it to work all week. If you recall, in a previous post, I developed a ratings-boosting scenario in which the captain gets killed off. It involved a swordfight against zombie Nazis atop a burning zeppelin. Apparently, there’s a good chance this could happen after all! What better way to captivate viewers during May sweeps than to threaten to kill off a supporting character?

There might also be a day of work coming up which will be written and directed by M. Night Shyamalan, but I’m still working out the contract for that. I can guarantee a cameo by Neil Patrick Harris.

Meanwhile, Dean and I have gotten into rock-climbing in Blue Springs. We’re also unlocking the full potential of the plaza and the park. More walking around and doing stuff, in a relaxed mindset that no grad student could really hope for.

The park offers unlimited bonus training time for martial arts, the only caveat being that people will certainly notice. However, it’s a big park in a fairly cosmopolitan area, so nobody will really give a crap. It won’t be that out of the ordinary to see a uniformed karateka working on kata. I mean, you have people doing everything there—reading, laying out, walking their dogs, biking, flying kites, whatever. And there’s a ridiculous amount of space, so it will feel private even though it’s public. And if it’s raining on a Sunday afternoon, that will only encourage me, because fewer people will be outside.

Finally, Dean convinced me that I should not wait to start planning what to do about my apartment situation. I should start asking around my church for friends-of-friends or something. Any living arrangement that could cut down on my expenses next fall would be good.

But that’s not really part of May sweeps. First things first. This weekend: Spider-Man 3 in St. Charles.

In conclusion, far too much is coming together at once for it to be anything less than a transparent attempt to boost ratings and build action into a cliffhanger…