Kobol's Last Gleaming

For the test next Saturday, Sensei Banks wants us green belts to not test. We are to hold off for a while, further honing our technique with better synchronization of body action. Purple belt, after all, is where dynamics must really start to become second nature. A purple belt in our form is equivalent to a black belt in some of the, um… how shall we say… less legit forms.

Control! You must learn control!

Am I disappointed? Yes. Am I surprised? No. It’s not about the rank, anyway (they’re really more like guidelines). Besides, Sensei Banks doesn’t want our dojo to look deficient by handing out promotions unless we’re beyond ready for them.

I did want the rank as a symbolic token of redemption for some deficiencies the past two or three years, but that’s another blog post—a post for when I actually get there.

With this shift in attitude to a more withdrawn, metamorphosing discipline, I am redirecting energies into certain things that need serious attention: karate, the job search/plan thing, working out the kinks in my home studio and expanding my technical knowledge of it, and composing. My priorities are in lockdown mode. This means further sacrificing time spent on entertainment. (Sorry, Final Fantasy, but you’re going to have to sit at the back of the bus.) I was musing with the captain on my bizarre, almost obsessive-compulsive sense of urgency to tear through my list of games to play and books to read. Why do I feel like that would make me feel accomplished? I guess I want to make up for lost time and finish these stories. I’ve effectively turned entertainment into a chore. What I should do is just designate a two hour block every week to each, so I can keep on track. That is the elusive “time management” I keep hearing about.

I mean, entertainment is going to be around for a while. It’s not going anywhere. But even finishing this book trilogy I’m on would feel like some kind of accomplishment.

Something’s gotta give. Something has to go right for a change.

Soon. Soon. For now, I know what I have to do.