Service Engine Soon
#$%&^*@#!$##$%&$*@$#%$%&&#%^*@%$%^!#$@#$%&
^*#%$^&@!*@$%&#$^&$%^*#%^&@$*%&#%$^&@$*@#&
@$%*^$%&^*%$!#^#$@%*&@$%*^$%#*%&#$%^@#!!!!!!!
Saturday: Lost ability to drive in reverse. Forward motion increasingly jumpy, shifting frantically between gears on its own.
Sunday: Desperately stocked up on groceries in preparation for the inevitable. Informed supervisor of inability to attend work.
Monday: Had car towed to Saturn of Olathe. Confined to quarters. Wished I had roommate with car, or at least friends who live in my neighborhood.
Tuesday: Began routine of being picked up by supervisor en route to work. Saturn called back with price estimates of transmission options. Wondered why they didn’t see signs of this problem when I had them check it out last month. Played phone tag with family members regarding best course of action. Lost sleep over the reality of continually mooching money from family.
Wednesday: Commenced construction of jetpack as alternative transportation. Played epic phone tag with Saturn, family, and various mechanics. Ultimately had car towed to Midwest Transmission. Chilled with Herr Vogler to unwind.
Thursday: Jetpack test flight ended in failure and destruction of federal property. Pinned it on neighbor. Faked seizure.
Friday: Brainstormed, but came up with no solutions to life. Confined to quarters for the weekend.
Saturday: Stared at wall.
Sunday: Stared at wall.
Monday (today): Retrieved car at 4:50. Paid out the nose, ears, and other orifices. Instantly put in Superman Returns for drive home.
Conclusion:
It’s not like I took my conveyance for granted. Every time I got in the car, I thanked the Force that I had a car at all, hoping it would never come to this. The same goes for my health; I haven’t had so much as a head cold since I moved here… which is totally sweet.
As for the Saturn… the total cost of repair was… nobody’s business.
I am in serious danger of being forced to pull out of Kansas City. But I have invested far too much in this season for the show to be cancelled.
Oh, and one more thing: some jerk-off in my building decided to hang some wind chimes from their balcony. Nice lullaby. Thanks.
2007… you’re a dick.
posted by the warrior bard at 5:59 PM
13 Comments:
Shhh!
Careful talkin' like that! Do you want 2007 to hear?
It's bad enough that you complained about the wind chimes.
Tread lightly, my friend. 2007 has spies everywhere.
Monday, February 26, 2007 9:14:00 PM
Apparently this is your most unpopular post ever.
I think this blog needs a change in tone. Or key.
I always liked C# minor.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 8:34:00 AM
Maybe it's not that the post isn't drawing comments. Maybe it's because you drove them away. You always suspected that your comments killed the posts. Now, since you swooped in first, you've gone and ruined it for the others.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 8:48:00 AM
I'm still here. I'm just reeling from that fact that Gustavo Santaolalla has somehow managed to win two Oscars in two years for best original score. My head still hurts. I'd better go lie down.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:01:00 PM
Some of what I think are my best creative moments have come from staring off into space (or at a wall, as it were).
Did you at least spend some time drinking SoCo and smoking cheap cigars on the patio? That, too, would have constituted good times.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:05:00 PM
"I'm not quite dead."
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:06:00 PM
"I'm getting better!"
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:07:00 PM
I'm partial to B-flat minor. But I can't remember the last time I wrote with a key signature so I don't know if it actually matters.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:15:00 PM
"Did you at least spend some time drinking SoCo and smoking cheap cigars on the patio? That, too, would have constituted good times."
Dang it, no, I ran out of SoCo.
Gustavo Santaolalla... I had to go to IMDB to find out who the deuce you were talking about. I should have known it was the gay cowboy composer.
Not that there's anything wrong with that!
I wonder if it would be better or worse to replace the Brokeback Mountain score with that of Basic Instinct.
Allow me to explain why he won two years in a row:
Awards are bullshit and inevitably biased. He's "fresh" and "artsy" and therefore the winner. If your name is attached to Ang Lee, you MUST be talented!
On the other hand, I don't know who he was up against...
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:24:00 PM
NOTE:
I have not, in fact, seen Brokeback Mountain, nor do I own the score. Therefore, that was not an attack on the quality of his music, merely a cynical dismissal of the validity of the Oscars in general.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:25:00 PM
ADDITIONAL NOTE:
At BGSU, at least three different people accused me of being homophobic/closed-minded simply because I said I had no desire to see Brokeback Mountain. This is irritating. I mean, I never saw Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ--does that make me Jewish? Um... no. It's a movie. If I don't want to see it, I don't want to see it.
Besides, I didn't like what Ang Lee did with The Hulk. Nuff said.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007 2:32:00 PM
And now, Ang Lee's Hulk in 11 sentences:
"Psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble."
"My son is...unique."
"Psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble."
"I am...unique."
"Psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble."
"Green cartoon man SMASH!!!"
"We are both...unique."
"Psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble."
"Our uniqueness is apexed only by how unique we are divided by the square root of my uniqueness times my son's uniqueness to the n'th power where n is unique"
"Green computer man get attacked by dark water monster, no can see! Green cartoon/computer man angry...SMASH dark water monster in dark so no one else see!!!"
"Psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble, psyco-babble..." - entire audience has collective aneurysm from Psyco-Babble overload.
The End
Thursday, March 01, 2007 6:04:00 AM
P.S. - You can over to my place and watch my son (the tornado) destroy everything in his path...and then shit on it!
It's at least good for a quick laugh!
Thursday, March 01, 2007 6:06:00 AM
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