The Shape of Things to Come

As executive producer, I held a meeting to address the poor ratings of my life. The writing has been dull and formulaic recently. As much as I would like to fire the writers, they have a contract. So we just got together and discussed some of the major shortcomings, as well as ideas for improving the program.

First of all, there are not enough set changes. We need to have more story arcs that take place outside of the main locations. We need to spend more budget on special effects, too. Maybe throw in a few more car chases.

Wardrobe is fine. Nobody needs to be fired in that department. Although, perhaps a slight change in the outfit would be welcome. Maybe a dramatically different haircut is all it would take—perhaps cut very short—symbolic of the change in the direction of the story. Hmm… perhaps a mullet?

There simply aren’t enough cameos, either. Maybe more can be done to focus on the rest of the cast. I really don’t know how to go about revamping my life in an acceptable way. I’m sure there will be a lot going on around May sweeps, but I need some kind of catch for February… maybe more nude scenes? No, that always gets a negative reaction…

I’ll hold another meeting about it sometime this week. This time, it will be complete with pie charts and line graphs. Maybe by then we’ll know what to do with my life.