Philosophy's End

Hindsight is often 20/20. It’s always illuminating to get someone else’s perspective on something after enough time has elapsed.

I was talking with Brad on the phone, and he was foreshadowing our exploits of the near future. Talking about a composers’ forum he suggests I join, he said, “That dogma doesn’t exist out here.” Referring, of course, to the mentality that continues to plague BGSU and oppress the poor innocent bastards who are still stuck in the program there.

Brad also quoted a maxim he received from John Corigliano: “Just write the kind of music you like to listen to.” (Just because it was uttered by a minor celebrity doesn’t mean I’m going to swoon over it, but it’s still sound advice.)

I emailed Dr. Gooch for the first time in… almost a year. I very briefly described my assessment of the program at BG, to which he responded:

Seriously, I'm sorry you didn't have a better experience at BGSU. When
you first told me you were applying there, I wasn't so sure that was the
right place for you. At the time, I sort of hinted at that, but I think
I hurt your feelings-- maybe at the time you thought I was telling you
that you weren't "good enough" for the program, when my concern was
whether or not BGSU would be a good "fit" for you. Anyway, I'm glad you
graduated and are back in Missouri. Congratulations!

Really. Hmmm. That’s not how I remember it. Strangely, I remember him encouraging me to go apply at BGSU. I know I was led to believe I would fit in there by at least two other people… I don’t remember Dr. Gooch suggesting otherwise. Anyway, hindsight from someone else is quite revealing.

It’s a good thing Brad’s current posse is allegedly open-minded and supportive of each person doing his own thing. I am skeptical, but I look forward to being introduced to this consortium. Because, nowadays, I find it best to simply give the cold shoulder (rudely, if necessary) to those who would put me down, yet are “behind” me on the path of musical self-realization.

Thus, I come to the meaning of this post: epiphane and epitome.

Something occurred to me this week (perhaps it occurred to me before, less clearly) regarding self-realization and musical purpose. Should a composer really devote time and energy to a piece of music that is meant to arouse negative energies and be a bad influence? Is that really the essence of contemporary high art? If these “serious” composers can hear past their own rhetorical masturbation, they would hear the sound of reason coming to a screeching halt. They are guilty of karmic stupidity, willfully propagating the very strife I have been dissecting ever since my arrival in Ohio.

“Spiritual ignorance is the greatest sin. It is what makes all other sins possible.”
--Paramhansa Yogananda

If a composer intends for her music to affect the audience, she must be accountable for its effect. If she is attempting negative spiritual affect merely for the sake of affect, without awareness of its spiritual consequences, she is quite literally creating evil. Creating disharmony with the listener for no good reason, without knowledge of the very spirituality you are dealing with—that is akin to the child who discovers his father’s handgun in the closet. Would you want to take composition lessons from a person like that?

It’s irresponsible to seek negativity in your music at all times. If you are really that Gothic in your musical ideals, you are a bad influence. Avant-garde academia seems to reject the spiritually fulfilling musical styles (e.g., Bach, Brahms) in favor of something cutting edge, often just for the sake of being ugly and negative. If you are going to do unto others, you had better damn well understand what you are doing to them, and why.

Perhaps Aaron Marx has the right idea with his music and his purpose behind that music. More importantly, he understands the reason for that purpose. I’m not about to put words in his mouth and sum up his entire musical philosophy, but I will say that he and I operate on a much higher plane of awareness than… anyone at Bowling Green. I think it is safe to say that Aaron understood and pursued Harmony both in and out of the musical realm—and was frustrated by much opposition because of that purpose. It is no coincidence that he reveres and embraces the music of the Baroque period.

The problem Aaron and I had at BGSU was that we essentially were more self-aware than our superiors. Therefore, anyone who opposes him for undeveloped philosophical reasons should simply be ignored, discredited for their lack of awareness.

“I think I just had an apostrophe. Lightning struck me brain.”

Assuming you’re still with me, I shall come full circle back to my talk with Brad, which included advice from John Corigliano: write the kind of music you want to listen to. Fittingly, the individuals (faculty and students alike) I conflicted with the most at BGSU were the ones who never seemed to derive enjoyment from listening to anything.

Another thing that sets me apart from most other composers I’ve met: even from high school, I understood my motivation for composing, and not once did I lose sight of that original purpose. I compose to connect with people, to give them something to incorporate into their lives and souls. I compose with humanity. After commiserating and philosophizing with Aaron for… well over a hundred hours… I have come to understand how my role fits with the metaphysical concepts of Harmony, Affect, Accountability, and the Golden Rule.

Despite people like Burton Beerman and Marilyn Shrude feeling the need to dominate and illuminate all with their self-imposed “ultimate purpose,” it is I who have been on the higher plane of awareness and self-realization all along. That is why it was so difficult—nay, impossible—for Aaron and me to swallow the reasons behind their purpose and reconcile our own with them.

Conclusion:

Without ego or bitterness, I can honestly and objectively say… I am Right. Although I may have always been Right, I now more clearly grasp how and why I am Right. After a (perhaps necessarily) horrific dark period of growing wisdom, after a decidedly Matthew Stover manner of enlightening experience (indeed I can relate to Jacen Solo from all the books after and including Traitor), after surviving without corruption and reflecting after enough distance for hindsight, I understand. I can also better articulate the flaws of Bowling Green State University. And, for my own defense against the muddling and irritation of the Academics, my afore-mentioned “cold shoulder” becomes a shoulder of Absolute Zero: I must place NO stock in the values, advice, criticisms, or maxims of those who are essentially the Dark Side of composition. Know your role. Know your purpose. Know its consequences before you impose it on another. Know the Affect. Know Reason and Harmony. Only then will you have credibility.

I leave you today with an unrelated aphorism from my old friend Josh Spiegel:
You can lead a horse to water, but don’t let him drink it all.