Homecoming

Almost immediately after arriving at home, we went to Cape Girardeau to finish Starbuck’s moving process. I went home again only to leave again the next day for Hannibal, to visit my old roommate and his wife.

Driving from home to Hannibal was about an hour, and I reflected on the change in lifestyle. All through college, I had been preparing for the “real world,” which is, in fact, little more than a fantasy. Every stupid little exam, every struggle, every pointless meeting—all endless conflicts in the epic College Wars. I have gone through about four or five lightsaber color changes. Finally that “someday” came when I am done with school, and it’s a strange feeling to go home again and see the world througha different filter. Leaving Bowling Green, I was able to begin the detoxification process. When Mac and I were cruising the liquor aisle in Wal-Mart, I noticed the 24-packs of Bud all had Cardinals logos on them… and I knew I was home.

We toured the cave network, which I had done years ago. It was cool. I got to disturb some strangers with my Gollum impression. We climbed the lighthouse hill, and I took some good pictures of the river. Contrary to the usual presupposition of coastal snobs, Missouri is more than just a series of soybean/cornfields between Kansas City and St. Louis. It’s hillier than most people give it credit, too. Imagine that.

I called my old high-school buddy Andrew Fennewald to tell him I just watched Team America: World Police, and I caught him during a dinner break in Las Vegas. He had been in the World Series of Poker for the past eight days. When I called, he was up $12,000. And the jackpot is $2 million. Wow.

Life really is a crazy adventure, isn’t it? It’s an epic story with an ensemble cast and a really perverse team of writers. Sometimes the ratings suck, but once in a while you get a really unexpected cameo appearance. I’m reminded of the quantum physics / spin-off discussion I had with the Marx a few weeks ago. Until something happens, anything else can happen.

In a way, I like the open-ended feeling of my present state. Hopeless unemployment sucks, but at least I could theoretically go anywhere, visit anyone. After a couple years of Kansas City, I will probably feel the need to go somewhere else, to do more prestigious things with my musical identity. For now, it would be fine to just work some non-music-related job and compose on the side, but eventually I will feel like I’m wasting my life. For now, I just need to strike a balance.

I’m sick of having to defend to people why I’m going to Kansas City. “Why Kansas City? What’s in Kansas City? What are you going to do in Kansas City?”

Because, at present, I have just as few career options in any other city. In Kansas City, I can train with Sensei Banks. It will be good for me physically as well as spiritually. I can hang out with Brad Fowler and we can get feedback from each other on our music. See? That’s enough. For now, that’s all the motivation I need. My intentions are hereby stated. Kansas City is where I need to go for a while… so get off my ass! Besides, it’s a free country. I can choose, so I do.

And I’m looking forward to it. I already found maps and directions to bookstores and coffee shops around.

So while it’s great to be back in the Show-Me State, I also feel fine with going anywhere else after this. I have possibilities in Chicago, Seattle, Sydney, California, Massachusetts… it’s all open. I won’t really get homesick anywhere. I just wonder who I’ll end up hanging out with on a regular basis down the road. Which characters from the previous chapters will reprise their roles in a new environment? Which heroes from the College Wars will return in a spin-off? Will I spend a year in Seattle with Julio and Corey? Will I move to Massachusetts and play more Dr. Mario with the Blanch, working days as score editors? Will I start a composer alliance with Brad Fowler and Noah Taylor? Until one thing happens, anything else can happen.

While at the parents’ house, I’m in the process of taking pictures of everything outside. Basically, I’m documenting every angle of the farm—house, yards, barns, woods. I’m making an exhaustive collection of points of view. It started out as a few pictures for my laptop wallpaper, and mushroomed into a full safari. I’m taking enough pictures so I can visually simulate taking a walk around the farmstead on my computer, when I’m nowhere near home. These slides make a great screensaver. I don’t have a digital camera, so what I do is have rolls of film developed onto CD. It saves money not having them make prints. The only thing stopping me is waiting for a good rain to make everything green. Want to know just how many pictures I’m attempting on this safari? A whopping ten rolls of film. And that’s just for summer. I’ll do another few rolls when the leaves change, then again when we have a good, heavy snow.

Hey, don’t knock it. I can see any perspective from home I want, now. Point and click. I was in Mordor for two years… now I’m back at the Shire, and I can take it all with me anywhere. Home, sweet home. I rule.