Solace

There’s nothing left for me. The house gig was a good idea at the time, back in September, but now the best thing to do is to just make a clean break, a new start. To St. Charles, MO.

My last night “on” will be April 18. I move out Saturday, April 19.

Getting laid off and having to move to the other side of a state is a pretty jarring transition. Pray it doesn’t happen to you.

Or just grab your adventuring hat and hang on tight, because the Wild Ride doesn’t stop, slow, or wait for anyone.

As I often do, I feel compelled to quote some words of wisdom from the good Captain. He recently told me, to my great solace, “I was never impressed with Kansas City.”

A wise man.

Perhaps the act of moving to Kansas City in the first place was based on little more than a lack of options. Perhaps I will simply return in another year when a magical career opens up. Perhaps I was simply never meant to stay. Perhaps this was supposed to be another brief chapter in the saga, on the road to an unspoken destination, the answer only to be revealed in the bigger picture. Perhaps it was just another consequence of a life’s plan poorly executed. Perhaps I was too soon or too late, but perhaps I did exactly right.

Frankly, I’m kind of getting tired of outsiders feeling a little too free to flippantly diagnose my destiny because it makes them feel all warm and tingly inside. Especially when they don’t know the full context of my situation. I’m going to take the high road and sidestep the whole Fatalism thing.

It could be that there’s no rhyme or reason. It could be that I was so intent on being here just for the sake of being here I jumped at the chance to take a shitty job and shitty apartment a year and a half ago. Eh. I have no regrets.

It’s senseless to have regrets over situations that were unpredictable and out of one’s control, especially when one is confident that one made all the right decisions with the information at hand at the time. Yet I can’t help but wish that things had gone differently. I wish this winter never happened.

So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought…

And maybe someday I will find a place to call home.