Deep Sixed

I don’t know who said it first, but “now would be a good time to start panicking.”

This is bad. There’s no way around it: I’m screwed. I’m not particularly keen on broadcasting to the world how much of a loser I am, but this blog is primarily a news source. Might as well keep you, the readers, apprised.

Technically, I’m not a “loser”… since I never really had anything to lose.

I went into Executemps to bug them in person about my current state of affairs. I believe the phrase the girl used to describe my position was “temporarily and indefinitely closed.” Thanks for the notice. They still might… one day… have a position for me, and they’ll still send my resume out to others, but that doesn’t help me very much, now does it. I can’t pay the bills and student loan payments that are… let’s see… already due. I put all my eggs in one basket, then counted them all before they hatched. It’s not really all my fault, though: I was misled since August.

So, I’m back to square zero. I can’t even afford square one anymore. I’m going to have to have my parents once pay for everything while I make a full-time job of online job-searching. At least I know the coffee shop to do it in. Let me remind you: job-searching online in a coffee shop is precisely what I spent most of the summer doing. It took me that long to figure this out, how am I supposed to spontaneously find a suitable back-up plan? There is no back-up plan; Executemps was my back-up plan.

The thing is, I need a job that pays at least $10, has room for advancement/transferal (or at least looks good on a resume), allows me the right hours off to do karate (otherwise there’s not much point in living here, since I already paid the fees for it), and has benefits such as insurance. I had it all figured out. For one brief, shining moment, I was in control of my life. I could have my cake and eat it, too. Nobody told me the cake was only a magazine clipping.

Fortunately, I’m one adaptable S.O.B. Now, it’s time to consider the possibility that I may have to abort Kansas City altogether. That would be a tragic twist of fate, accompanied by hefty monetary loss (moving? again? while canceling year-long contracts with the apartment complex and the rec center?). So here I am, facing the prospect of moving back in with my parents, indefinitely. None of this would be quite so bad if it weren’t that hard to get back out of the rut. I spent all that time and money securing my place in Kansas City… it’s not like I just found “some job” and grabbed up the first apartment I found online. No. If the amount of care I put into getting here didn’t help, then I really have nowhere else to go.

What I mean is, if I leave Kansas City… that’s it. There’s no sense in me trying to move back here, say, in the spring, when something opens up for me. I’m better off living in St. Louis or something. I’m kind of a vagabond at this point in my life; if not for Kansas City, any other place in the world would be just as good (and pointless and wasteful) as the next.

Of course, having the least lucrative degree in the world doesn’t help. Brad and I vented about this once, a few weeks ago: nobody outside of music understands just how competent we really are. I had an interview that lasted literally less than five minutes; the lady cut to the chase and told me that I would be “overwhelmed” by the stress. And, since almost all of my work experience is academic-related, my resume isn’t very useful. Remember, I was deep-sixed by AustraLearn much in the same fashion as Executemps: they promise placement, then just stop informing me altogether.

But hey, at least it isn’t a complete loss. I still have my sarcasm.

“Hey Mave, do you have the number for that truck-driving school we saw on TV? I think I might…I might need that.”
--Goose