Volition

Since my thesis is coming to realization, this is a good time to actually talk about the music.

It's a single-movement piece for large orchestra, clocking in at around 9'30". The title is Volition, which suggests a programmatic element.

volition: (noun) 1 : an act of making a choice or decision; also : a choice or decision made
2 : the power of choosing or determining : WILL

Volition is kind of a combination of expressionism and romanticism, portraying a specific state of mind under specific circumstances. While specific, these ideas are also very vague--applicable to each individual listener. Basically, I am trying to capture the imagery I see and feel when I hear a few certain pieces of music (which of course appear on my bibliography).

When one is oppressed and downtrodden for too long, human nature makes one rebel. In extreme cases, the protagonist becomes infused with so much darkness that he desires more than just redemption, but vengeance. This person is overtaken with an icy determination to do whatever is necessary to achieve this end. In that moment of volition, this piece is born.

Imagine, if you will, the soul of a person who desires to bring an almost Apocalyptic destruction. What does it sound like? One of the pieces (if not THE piece) that really inspired this thesis was Elliot Goldenthal's Toccata and Dreamscapes. My attempt is not to imitate the piece, rather to emulate the emotions and imagery it evokes in me. The entire purpose of Volition is to communicate to the audience what I see--awe, horror, hatred, and ruin. Disregarding what is actually happening onscreen in relation to this part of Goldenthal's film score, of course. Film music can--and does--stand alone, apart from the events of a film (especially when it appears on the album in a concert form instead of chopped into three scenes throughout the film, as is the case with Toccata and Dreamscapes). But this is another discourse entirely, one I don't have time for at the moment. I can let Brad field that one...

Regardless of what people say, music is not a universal language. I only hope that a handful of the audience will see this piece the way it was intended. That's what program notes are for, right?

I'm going to give you the inside scoop, which is not going to appear on the program notes:

This piece is also a personal allegory. In a way, the piece is about itself. Allow me to explain. I said in an earlier post that I conceived of the piece back in February, but the inspiration actually came earlier. October 2004. The New Music and Arts Festival. After a marathon of meetings, seminars, concerts, and casual conversations that left me feeling extremely discouraged--and oppressed as a composer--the last straw was at the final concert. The orchestral finale to the weekend.

Even at Truman State University, I was always held back from composing for orchestra. While I watched my peers do great things, I was deeply resentful that I was never permitted the pleasure. I want to be an orchestral film composer, so continuing to discourage me from doing so is not just insulting, but counterproductive. My lessons at the time (my first semester here at grad school) were similarly frustrating, to say the least. Ha. The very least. Orchestration is never really "taught" anyway, so the primary reason for me even going to grad school in the first place was moot, much to my dismay (but not to my surprise). You learn by doing. You learn by studying scores. You learn by hearing. That's what composition lessons are for.

Back to the festival. After the final concert, after hearing some awesome music and seeing the overall response from the audience (they always think it's the best concert), I was re-determined to do an orchestral piece. It was do or die. I was bent on showing to anyone who doubted me that I have far more ability than they gave me credit for. I would drive back to my house, listening to Goldenthal, and literally pace around my living room for at least 45 minutes at a time, in abject frustration and resentment.

A few months later, I started some vague sketches in my lesson the following semester. It was all in my ear, but it seemed like it wasn't going to happen. The summer came, and I had all but abandoned the project for my thesis. Fast-forward to this fall. I ended up breathing life into this piece again, making it my thesis. Fast forward to this week. I finished the preliminary composition.

So it's kind of ironic that Volition is about itself. I was determined to write a bombastic orchestra piece. I was oppressed by the "academics." I was generally pissed off. This piece is about the feelings I had while listening to similar music during the time when I had the volition to start this project. I actually thought for five months just about what the title should be. If this piece is successful, it will speak to at least one person and make them feel the same way.

I'd love to discuss this more, but I think I've addressed it all, and I'm late for a meeting.