Another Dead Saturn

There is a god, an Evil Trickster God, and he follows my blog with his morning coffee. Between sips, he scrolls down and finishes reading the post and says, “Oh, you think so, eh? Yeah, we’ll just see about that.”

And then he hits the Tragic Irony button on his keyboard, chuckles to himself, and switches tabs over to Yahoo News to troll the comments.

My car engine ruined itself not one mile from leaving work in the morning, only hours after my last blog post full of of self-empowerment. I should have gone to sleep by 9:30 AM, to wake up early to meet a new client. Instead, I was awake until after 1:30 PM, only to hear back from the shop with the worst-case scenario.

The timing chain had broken, smashing all the pistons in the process. I need a new engine. My last car’s engine spontaneously blew up, which is why I desperately had to settle for this car in the first place. And I had to spend hundreds of unexpected dollars just to pass inspection, then hundreds more on the drama of registering it from the previous title-holder who turned around and fucked me. That was just last week. Why couldn’t my car explode before going broke just trying to make it legal?

Now I’m Screwed with a capital NOOOOO!!!

I don’t know what I’m going to do, but it severely imperils my New Year’s resolutions. At least I don’t need a car or money to exercise. Yes, I’ll be the fittest hobo at the underpass. Of course, I’ll be on the low-protein diet, so… I’m not sure how that’s going to work.

That's two dead Saturns in less than a year. What have we learned, class?