Assets

The Japanese Meetup had their last get-together, because the group organizer is leaving. That’s as much as I know, because I didn’t go. I haven’t been going, because once I got the funds it meant I was working during the meeting times. Still, I only ever went twice. There were too many Americans in the group for my taste. Anyway, the point is that even if I wanted to go, I can’t anymore. I intended to show up from time to time, but now that asset has gone.

David’s still around here somewhere, but for the time being I will be working during the hours he has off. He’s out there… somewhere… doing very David-like things…

The Captain left Facebook. He joined briefly, presumably for the same reason I go to the casino: to observe humanity with a mixture of amusement and disgust. So the Captain left Facebook, which leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Easy come, easy go, I suppose (I was shocked when he joined a couple of months ago). It’s kind of like when one of the most interesting characters leaves the show and you wonder if it’s even going to be worth watching anymore. Then it came to my attention that the pikey is an under-used character on Facebook, so perhaps I’ll go bug him…

Facebook is sucking more and more anyway. Somehow, I’m going to blame St. Charles for this, because it’s expedient to do so.

I expressed on Facebook that I wanted to return to Kansas City as soon as I had the opportunity, and quite frankly I was beginning to annoy even myself with it at this point. Then someone commented, “As a person who has been to Kansas City… why?”

Yeah, haha, that’s charming. I almost responded, “As a person who has been to Edwardsville… go fuck yourself.”

Yeah. Kansas City is just another town. I get it. Cookie-cutter restaurants, parking lots, and pretentious, rich cock-suckers… yeah, every city in the country is essentially the same. So why live anywhere? Assets, that’s why. I am sick of trying to explain. So I won’t. I can count on one hand the number of people who understand why I would want to go back there, and—guess what—they all live in Kansas City. Ponder.

In truth, I don’t care about most of the city. I said that in one of my final posts before I moved, if you recall. It’s not that I want to be in Kansas City for the sake of being in Kansas City! NO! What are you, stupid or something?! That’s the sort of absurdly irrational, overly romanticized patriotism people feel about New York City (start spreadin’ the news…). I could give two shits about the culture of Kansas City (allegedly barbecue and jazz, though I’ve experienced little of either in my time there). I have assets there, more than anywhere else. I was working hard to build a community for myself when I was jerked away from it. That’s all it comes down to.

Herr Vogler might be leaving KC this summer. So it will piss me off if I finally get back there by some miracle, only to have the property value drop dramatically. Seriously, Herr Vogler is a good 25% of why I even want to be there at all.

But what am I supposed to do, live in St. Charles and not have a life? Time waits for no one.

”There is nothing for you here… only death.”

I spoke with Sensei Banks on the phone. He is finally taking the group out of the rec center in Grandview and into their own building. There’s a lot of administrative BS at The View, so he finally managed to get an actual dojo dojo. Starting in January, they will be training in the new space. The weekend after Valentine’s Day, they will officially open. That would be a great time to move back there. If only I could.

I guess I’ll just be a vagabond for now, in a town that offers nothing for me apart from a couple of unique coffee shops and an old high school buddy I hardly ever get to see.

Well, you know, deprivation is good for the soul. And it builds character. Sensei told me that I shouldn’t deprive myself too much, though. He says that saving up for a big move is tough, but I still need to have a life in the mean time.

The puzzle pieces are shifting around, rearranging themselves to shape a different image. The vision I see, though a glass, darkly, is a revenant glory waiting for me… but it’s not here. This place is emptying itself of all assets.

Time is short… or so it feels.

Somebody. Get. Me. Out. Of. Here.