Pumpkin Ice Cream
Now I've seen everything.
posted by the warrior bard at 3:27 PM
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
About Me
- Name: the warrior bard
- Location: If there's a bright center to the universe, you're on the planet that it's farthest from.
You know who I am. If you don't, you stumbled across this blog by accident and you have my pity (but not my apologies).
Previous Posts
- A Far Green Country
- Clone Wars: Continuity, Canon, Apocrypha
- Bread Crumbs
- Divertissement, part VII: Pride
- Divertissement, part VI: Envy
- Divertissement, part V: Wrath
- Divertissement, part IV: Lust
- Divertissement, part III: Greed
- Divertissement, part II: Gluttony
- Divertissement, part I: Sloth
39 Comments:
Have you ever seen a man eat his own head???
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 11:14:00 PM
DAMN!!! You beat me...you bastard!!!
Stupid job, stupid sleep schedule.
Damn, damn, damn.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 1:18:00 AM
I have seen that, actually. Have you ever seen an amputee riding a unicycle while juggling six flaming gerbils and chanting "now is the winter of our discontent" in Yiddish?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 12:04:00 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 4:26:00 PM
As have I, but have you ever seen a person with one or more missing limbs riding a bicycle with one wheel rhythmically tossing and catching and catching and tossing half-a-dozen burning rodents while delivering the opening monologue of Shakespeare's Richard III in the dialect of the European Jew?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 4:29:00 PM
I can honestly say that I have not.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 11:37:00 PM
Have you ever seen a Stump riding a circus clown conveyance while swapping around an aerial display of immolating hamsters and repeatedly reciting Stewie Griffin punch lines in a Middle High German language written in Hebrew characters?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 11:43:00 PM
Yes, yes, I have, very near the same time I saw an amputirn from a traditional eastern European carnival effortlessly straddling a frameless penny-farthing - simultaneously engaged in the most queer physical activity I've seen that involved a sextet of jerboa doing their best imitation of ignis fatuus. (chortle) And the most astounding aspect about the spectacle was, for a judean, the monorotinaut did have an extraordinary grasp of the Bard, putting on the most fantastic interpretation of Gloster's soliloquy - and in his native dialect no less.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 2:09:00 PM
Okay... but have you ever seen a giant, flaming gerbil riding a pogo stick while juggling six maimed Vietnam War vets, each of whom were quoting different chapters from Salman Rushdie's The Satanic Verses in Klingon?
Thursday, August 21, 2008 2:28:00 PM
This comment has been removed by the author.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 4:22:00 PM
Ehhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaahh...
...
Horse placenta.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 4:27:00 PM
........Zombie horse placenta.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 9:10:00 PM
Ahhhh, and now we've alienated even ourselves. Take it from here, pikey. There's no one left to read this anymore. We killed the blog.
Thursday, August 21, 2008 9:13:00 PM
I say we get drunk and watch 'Attack of the Clones'
Friday, August 22, 2008 7:24:00 AM
The Pikey is currently in Chicago for the CSO concert with John Williams and Yo-Yo Ma. Your call is very important to him. Please hold for the next available Pikey. Your wait is approximately 72 hours.
In the mean time he wishes that I express the following in his stead:
"A midget fucking a retarded fat girl in the ass...on a see-saw"
Friday, August 22, 2008 9:42:00 AM
The quote is Temple of Doom, not Attack of the Clones. Don't steal my catch phrase.
Friday, August 22, 2008 10:48:00 AM
So are we moving from "the weirdest things you've seen" to "the most offensive and disturbing images you can muster?" Because it's going to be a long weekend if that's the case... on the other hand the pikey won't be around. Of course, he'll never forgive the Fates for making him miss this rare opportunity to shine. He'll get back and find the comments disabled after #89 and cry to the Heavens like Ash in the alternate ending of Army of Darkness.
Friday, August 22, 2008 11:12:00 AM
I expected Amanda or Judy or someone, you know, innocent to say something about pumpkin ice cream. No chance of that now. It's good to know that we'll all be sharing a table in the VIP lounge in Hell.
Friday, August 22, 2008 11:15:00 AM
I wasn't stealing your catchphrase, I was altering it. Pray I don't alter it any further.
Friday, August 22, 2008 12:47:00 PM
I figured as much, but I had a moral obligation to explain to the others where it comes from.
Friday, August 22, 2008 12:48:00 PM
Indeed.
Friday, August 22, 2008 12:59:00 PM
"A midget fucking a retarded fat girl in the ass...on a see-saw"
Hmm... that reminds me of the time I saw a dwarf engaging in anal coitus with an overweight girl with Down Syndrome, but they were on the monkey bars. Close, though. It's a strange world out there. Lotta weird crap to see.
Friday, August 22, 2008 1:00:00 PM
"That was a long time ago!"
Friday, August 22, 2008 1:09:00 PM
I've never seen Pumpkin ice cream, but yesterday I bought an iced latte with carrot cake flavor syrup. I had never seen that before. That wasn't even half as amazing as the seven foot tall barista wearing lederhosen who poured my latte while balancing en pointe and singing the Montana Sate University fight song.
Friday, August 22, 2008 1:11:00 PM
That's amazing. What's more amazing is that you're still here. You must have a higher tolerance than I gave you credit for.
Friday, August 22, 2008 1:16:00 PM
One time I saw jak appear in the comments stream after some of the most off-putting comments of all time. NOW I've seen everything.
Friday, August 22, 2008 1:17:00 PM
Just think about it: the scene in The Great Outdoors where John Candy's character, Chet, has to finish off the "96er" in order to earn the family free meals all around... but instead of a vomit inducing amount of steak, fat and gristle, it's a horse placenta. Six pounds of it. Marinated in its own juices. Prime age horse placenta.
Friday, August 22, 2008 2:54:00 PM
Oh, and to answer the question posed by Herr Vogler:
Yes. The dinner scene in Hannibal. Some of Liotta's better work.
Friday, August 22, 2008 2:57:00 PM
I believe the implication is a man eating his entire head, not just a bit of his own brain. I mean, who hasn't done that? Drunk on a bet you make it to Canada!
Friday, August 22, 2008 3:58:00 PM
Though I will agree with you that it's some of Liotta's better work.
Friday, August 22, 2008 4:01:00 PM
I should have titled this The Aristocrats.
Friday, August 22, 2008 5:25:00 PM
Have you ever seen Ray Liotta cast as a fantasy villain alongside Matthew Lillard? Because I have. That movie sucked. You haven't seen anything until you've seen Ray Liotta as a fantasy villain. And then... then... then you'll never see anything again, because you will eat your own eyeballs...
Saturday, August 23, 2008 11:31:00 AM
I'm out!!!
Saturday, August 23, 2008 6:00:00 PM
Yeah, ok, right...I didn't believe that one either.
But you've set the bar pretty high so I need time to reflect and meditate.
...back in a bit.
Saturday, August 23, 2008 6:01:00 PM
I still can't believe how the most insubstantial posts generate the most comments. The scope of the comments also seems to have an inverse relationship with the brevity of the post.
Next time, I should try a post that just says "Go."
Sunday, August 24, 2008 4:29:00 PM
Ah, but it's never on command, I see.
Sunday, August 24, 2008 4:30:00 PM
I like pumpkin ice cream.
Monday, August 25, 2008 2:21:00 PM
Theeeere we go. See, that's much better. Okay, we're done here.
Monday, August 25, 2008 4:31:00 PM
glad I could help ;-)
Monday, August 25, 2008 4:43:00 PM
<< Home