The Mind as a Weapon

“It is important to perceive the enemy’s attitudes, regardless of whether you deem him to be correct or incorrect in having them. You should not judge the enemy’s attitudes needlessly. What you should do is use them to your advantage by throwing him into confusion and making him lose balance. This can be your way of scaring him and forcing him to act according to your needs.”
- Miyamoto Musashi, The Book of Five Rings (c. 1645)


I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’ve been screwed over a lot.

Sometimes, you have to hunt down the person you need to talk to, to get them to do what you want them to do. Sometimes they know you are a victim of their bullshit and that you, in all probability, are going to go on a tirade. Still other times, you are at their mercy, like when a professor looks you in the eye and informs you of a decision they know would make anyone outraged. You have to be able to control yourself and manipulate them, if you can. How do you handle confrontations that evoke all the anger and frustrations you’ve accumulated? Do you give into the expectations and play the typical, obvious role of Expressive Anger? Does that really help?

Today, my sister-in-law called it being “politely rude.” Because, as I always say, “polite” does not mean “bubbly.” You can be polite and curt at the same time, if you want to be. The Japanese have mastered this.

It’s something I have used in the past, though until recently I seem to have forgotten my own “grace under fire.” Confidence. Self-control. Play on their expectations. In real situations, I’m nothing like the semi-humorous spite-ranting character on the blog—unless I’m ranting in person with a close friend, which is essentially what the blog is anyway.

Baptism By Fire leads to the ability to temper oneself in those flames. In fact, not a single human being has ever been able to intimidate me since my nightmarishly vindictive thesis defense committee, or perhaps even since my revelation that the faculty at BGSU deserves to be discharged, disavowed, and defamed. Sometimes, however, a person who undeservedly expects your ass-kissing respect mistakes this for “insolence”… sometimes.

Let me explain the secret to confrontation: everyone fears it. Exploit that fear. Our entire society is built around avoiding confrontation. Seize that advantage.

Distance yourself from your Self. Use this detachment as a tool to manipulate the mind of your opponent with your own mannerisms, demeanor, and even tone of voice—whether it’s over the phone or sitting face-to-face at a conference table.

In the latter case, your emotionally restrained gaze bores into their eyes and puts them off-balance. They involuntarily shift their weight or momentarily break eye contact or betray their unease with some other subtle body language, and that’s when you know you have just taken the high ground. Because sometimes, when the average Joe would simply erupt with “righteous indignation” (Copyright The Captain, 2001), the best method of accomplishing your objective is to use fear. Fear is your ally. It’s your means to an end. When your antagonist is flustered, the advantage is yours, and they are distracted by their own worries regarding what you will say or do next. They are perturbed by their inability to read you. Once or twice in the past, even Dr. Lillios has told me I’ve had this effect. That’s food for thought.

And here we come to my favorite part about it: they try to placate you with nervous apologies (especially if they are in some position of administration or customer service and they know you know they’ve screwed you and your patience with them to resolve the situation has to be waning) yet you don’t respond with triumphant smugness, sympathetic reassurance, or even gratitude—you just wait.

A true Sith controls his anger, drawing strength from it without serving it or letting it get in the way. Confrontation is much more effective when they aren’t even sure if you’re fuming on the inside when they know you should be. They start to want for you to erupt, but you make no concessions. You radiate power, also suggesting you have the right and and resources to make someone have a really, really bad day. And you are the good guy.

Today I almost made a stranger cry, and I was perfectly “polite” the whole way through. That is control. I wish I could do this more consistently. Be in control, I mean—not make people cry. I have no interest in intimidating underlings, no matter how often I get screwed over left and right. This is more about defying the expectations of superiors who expect you to give in to whiny rage because they’ve seen it a million times.

This is about the role of the Mind as a weapon.

Patience + Awareness + Self-Control – Emotion = Dominance

It requires a complete absence of pride, or else your eyelid might twitch with fury or something, and you will have lost the initiative. Pride is a weakness you must rise above. Betray not pride but a faint hint of “I-take-no-bullshit” deliberately underscored with indignation. The “fury” factor is only inferred through the circumstances surrounding your confrontation. Exploit it. Play on their expectations: they don’t expect you to have this much reserve. Be calm but not pleasant, stern but not angry, patient but not tolerant. It makes them nervous. Be like water. It’s the best way to get their attention, to get things done. Of course, it helps to inherently have a passively dark visage, but that’s something you’re born with.

Nobody expects it from me. That’s because they know me in an easygoing context. While it does sadden me terribly when my own friends sometimes tell me I lack self-control or patience (maybe I should lay off the Lewis Black), it just makes it even more effective when I employ this secret ability.

It’s not really a Zen thing, but it is of related discipline.

Ironically, I suck at poker. I guess I’m too honest.