The Tide Turns

I had my extra lesson tonight. Despite having fixed the playback problems, it still screwed up. We basically gave up trying to figure it out. Something in the file corrupted itself.

Dr. Lillios decded that all the transitions are fine, including the one she was unsure about yesterday. There's just one tiny thing she said I should tweak and it's okay. It's a good thing I was able to pull off that old Jedi mind trick on her.

Technically, I didn't even change anything since yesterday. So what does that mean? Does it mean I was just given one last Friday night of abject darkness for no reason? Who knows.

I tried to put the words in her mouth that the composition is done, and that I am in the score editing phase. She gave me the green light, but warned me that she (or Dr. Shrude) might have me change a tiny thing here and there, later on. Fine, whatever. She's just keeping her butt covered for future lessons. At last, I'm in the final throes of thesis fever.

I have been patient. I have been patient to a fault. Maybe that's why I had so much difficulty comminucating--because I was relying on patience and perseverance alone to let my work speak for itself. Sometimes you have to level with the professor. Had my patience run out a long time ago, I might be in a better place. That's a strange thing to say, but... it just might be true. From a certain point of view. I don't know, I think patience always pays off.

That's enough confessing on this blog for a while. Obviously, it has only served to paint a very ugly self-portrait. Bear in mind, the nature of the blog is to vent. In truth, I don't complain all that much, unless it's here or while playing Dr. Mario at Scott's house. Also, when my life really looks this dismal to me, what else am I supposed to say? I can only post about what is happening from my point of view. When that perspective is consistently wraught with frustration and inadequacy, what do you expect? If you don't like what you see, don't read the blog. It's that simple.

It's not going to get any easier, but at least I've made some major progress. Now, the race is on. I have until the ides of March to do everything. I should take pride in my work from here on out.

In my defense, I'm the only one who is doing a large orchestra piece for his thesis. That's why I don't compare my progress to others'.

I'm getting out of here in two years. How many composers can say that? You'd be surprised how few. I'm just giving you some perspective: I'm not in that bad shape, no matter how incompetent I may seem.

Clearly, this blog is a love-hate relationship.