Chocolate Tuxedo

I worked half a day and headed out to Mid Rivers Mall to pick up the tuxedo. I have to drive all the way back this afternoon, since I work tomorrow as well, but I figured I could at least allow myself an hour or two at the coffee shop, since I was forced to come this far anyway.

Fall weddings have fall colors. My tux is brown and orange. Those are the school colors for BGSU, incidentally. I am wearing… school colors… for BGSU… to the wedding.

I look like I should be driving a Reese’s Pieces limousine.

Mm… Reese’s Pieces…

Tonight I think I will watch Evil Dead and eat Reese’s Pieces. And, lame as it may sound, I think I will draw jack-o’-lantern faces on those little 78-cent pumpkins from Wal-Mart. I bought three of them.

Yes, that is about the extent of the excitement in my life.

I’m decreasingly excited about this wedding, too. Maybe if it didn’t take place in the same middle of nowhere I already live, it would feel better. Normally, unlike most guys, I’ll take any chance I get to wear a tuxedo, but I just don’t feel “money” anymore. Chalk it up to living with my parents, I suppose. It’s pretty much like this: put on your tuxedo, go to the wedding, get your picture taken a thousand times, go to the reception, get your picture taken a trillion more times, go home, take off your tuxedo, go to sleep, drive all the way back to Mid Rivers to return the tux, purchase a gun and a bullet, chamber the bullet, put gun to temple, shuffle off this mortal coil.

If you’re going to wear a tux, you’d better be drunk, drinking, purchasing alcohol, or passed out already. If you absolutely must be sober, then you had better be at a casino, fighting on a construction crane, or chasing someone in an Aston Martin. And that’s a black tuxedo, not a chocolate one. The only reason tuxes like this one exist is because of weddings. It kind of announces to everyone who chances a glance your way, “Hey, I’m just in a wedding. I am way out of my element here. I’m not a classy guy at all, just another bachelor who quotes Family Guy between beer belches.”

Now I’m rambling. But my point is that I feel jejune about the whole ordeal. Someday I’ll make up for it in spades…

For now, I require Reese’s Pieces.