The Pilgrim Road

In continuation of a deliberately loose end from the previous post, I would like to clarify that if I were to find myself living in Kansas City, I would not again try in vain to achieve all the hypothetical elements of the ideal balance of assets there. Hmm, that didn’t make a lot of sense. Let me put that another way…

Let’s talk about church and religion.

[sound of someone opening a beer can in the back row]

After reconciling the futility of what I was trying to get out of Life Group, I would probably not bother even rejoining. Sure, I’d like to make a cameo every now and then, but I always felt like I was a fringe member, and I accepted that role by the end of my time there. Nothing against them personally.

Your destiny lies along a different path than mine.

Obviously. I mean, I’m not there now. I’m talking about if and when I could reunite. If I returned to Kansas City, I would devote Sunday nights to something else entirely. I would not seek Fellowship with them, not in the sense that I use the word. Upon moving to St. Louis, I looked for a replacement… and changed my mind.

This is not a new revelation for me, but I have decided not to bother looking anymore at all. I like Metro Christian Fellowship as a church, and I like the congregation and the pastor(s). I was never the sort to go to a church just because you “need” to go to church. That sounds… empty to me. Vain. I found the church I like, and I’ll never really feel like a true member, so that’s fine. I’m not looking for churches. I don’t want or need church.

My path is unique…

All in all, in fact, I am uninterested in religion. Spirituality and faith are different matters entirely. A dogmatic system is the means, not the end. If it works for you, more power to you. But religion… religion as a system is poisonous.

And away we go…

I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of God. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What God desires is here [points to head] and here [points to heart] and by what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man. Or not.

I should reiterate that I am a Christian. Always was, always will be… but labels carry preconceived notions. I call myself a “freelance Christian.” I abhor denominational strife and constantly question and challenge dogmatic tenets. Scathing as this post may end up sounding, bear in mind that I am ever-faithful, always pursuing the Truth and the Way. I was never the sanctimonious type, like so many Christians whom Paramahansa Yogananda refers to as “Churchians.” And I don’t only think about spirituality once a week, or whenever someone makes me feel guilty about it. I have a bit more self-realization under my belt than that, thank you.

It’s a pluralist world, and my “life experience” (such as it is) reflects that. You can subscribe to one dogmatic denomination, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing… but think how many people turn their religion into a bad thing, causing trouble while insulating themselves from err (Herr Vogler, 2002).

On my journey, in pursuit of Answers I wasn’t getting from anyone supposedly “in the know,” I ultimately found out that the best way to find the real identity of God is to triangulate His position from different vantage points, such as Eastern philosophy, Jedi fiction, conversations with diverse individuals, and even quantum physics. God is God, after all—Infinite.

Why am I on a unique path? Because I am capable of this, I suppose. It’s damn near impossible to explain exactly my views on God, so let it suffice to say that He is God. God is God, and God is Infinite, and God is Vast. He can’t be contained in a box. Think of the parable of the elephant: several blind men touch an elephant and try to describe to each other what the elephant looks like. None of them are wrong per se, but their understandings are limited by their perspectives. God is too big for them to understand.

Most fellow Christians I have encountered find my point of view to be unnerving. It’s disappointing how many people are uncomfortable with (or just patently dismissive of) anything Eastern. I’m not a hippie; I’m a Christian, damn it! Similarly, it is discouraging how many agnostics or atheists assume I am narrow-minded. Really? Narrow-minded? Funny, my notions are usually too broad or cerebral for most of them to understand. So I walk a unique path, because none will listen. Fair enough… to each his own, but I get a little edgy when people try to impose their dogma on my faith, regardless of their intentions.

You have to bend your mind’s preconceived notions to begin to ponder the vastness of such overly-simplified (and metaphorical) things as sin, prayer, demons, and creation.

I no longer even listen to someone who talks about the Second Coming, or anything else about the End Times. Are their hearts in the wrong place? Not for me to say. All I can say is that to operate one’s moral compass by the precept that “Jesus is coming, and He’s pissed!” is folly. Is it virtuous to look to the unforeseeable end of the world out of self-centered fear instead of live in the moment and do what is good and compassionate?

You should live a good and virtuous life for the sake of serving Goodness, not because you want to earn supernatural brownie points and avoid eternal damnation. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the only way to operate is to take the afterlife completely out of the equation, to look at the WHY behind morality. God is infinitely just, so there’s no need to fear Hell, and there’s less need to ruminate on the possible rewards you will be given in Heaven. Doing (or not doing) something simply because “the Bible says so” doesn’t cut it, either; you could be doing some serious harm and not know it because you’re following a rulebook someone else wrote for you.

I mean, really, what the hell are those guys on the Plaza protesting, anyway? They have signs, they’re yelling… they must be picketing… picketing what, exactly? The end, my friends, is most likely not near. Stop using it as a crutch. The End Times lore is abundant and self-contradictory, and ultimately a distraction. Live a good life. If only those who have been baptized are going to Heaven, then Jesus wasn’t much of a savior, was He. Dogma. Dangerous, poisonous dogma. If you’re gay, you’re going to Hell no matter what? Really? Regardless of context? So God issues eternal torment the same way the U.S. government gives automatic sentences for possession of pot, no questions asked? Sounds fishy to me. Good thing I’m not gay, huh?

Oh, those Baptists. They honestly believe alcohol itself is a sin. But Jesus turned water into wine, right? Hmmmmm… so you say that’s different because wine was just “part of the culture back then”… wow, nice—you just took a puzzle piece and forced it into the wrong place by pounding on it with a hammer. How about… drinking is not a sin, but what you may or may not do to cause pain or strife with your neighbor when you drink is. I drink, but I never do anything “bad” as a result, and I generally try not to make others around me uncomfortable from the presence of alcohol. Where’s the sin? Oh, maybe it “lets demons in,” another metaphysical thing nobody understands.

Words get thrown around so flippantly (and explosively). Words like “sin,” “moral,” “saved,” “demon”…

Geez, I’m all over the map here.

Not everyone needs to explore the different faiths of the world to be a better person. They should, at the very least, learn to internalize their faith. All are accountable. If you tell someone they’re going to Hell, that is both taking God’s name in vain and bringing unnecessary pain and strife to a human being, not to mention alienating them from faith in general. Good job, you’ve just perpetrated a trifecta of dickery, but you’ve insulated yourself with the shroud of sanctimony. How great thou art.

I would like to walk the walk more than just talk the talk. I don’t really do either very well at the moment, I know… I’m kind of a bad person, come to think of it. I’m a bard… not a saint. Ah, I’ll come around. But I’d rather live a good life by a true moral compass rather than submit to the spiritual leadership of someone who doesn’t even want to understand where I’m coming from. “Preach the Gospel at all times… sometimes using words.” You need a good heart and a good head on your shoulders… and to never believe yourself infallible. As I said a few posts back, my saving grace is that I’m constantly vigilant for signs of my own hypocrisy. I’m not on a soap box here—I’m just explaining where I am on the path and why I’m not too worried about it. Because my path, my role, is different.

And I’m not at all concerned about the afterlife. Because I shouldn’t be.

Anyway, I’m done with hit-or-miss churches and I’m done arguing dogma. Dogma is a bi-product of the historical evolution of religion as a man-made (and thus fallible) system, and more often than not distracts people (through fear and fire and brimstone) from the true nature of virtue, causality, and the very essence of Christ’s (and even Buddha’s) message: the Golden Rule.

So my path is different. I am not going to look for a church again because it just doesn’t fit me. I found one, and I like it, and I’ll visit if and when I can. It could be argued that Worship is one of the Spiritual Disciplines that I’m denying myself, and without it I won’t find true Balance, but… well, I was always pretty stoic for a Christian. God made me that way. Heh.

I walk a different path, but I’m not in danger of “letting demons in” or fancying myself too smart for religion. No, let me tell you the secret to it all: I don’t know anything. But there are universal truths, and they can only be seen when you connect the dots from different faiths. But I have no interest anymore in debating dogma with people who surround themselves exclusively with a homogenous blend of like-minded people and only read (well-read as they may be) books from one vantage point. They have indoctrinated themselves and have already decided that I am wrong before ever even listening to find out what exactly it is that I believe. Ha. For example, after all this, I’ve still told you almost nothing. How many times has my own mother mistakenly smelled agnosticism on me, I’ll never know. My heart is doing just fine, trust me. Do you know why? Because I’ve never stopped pursuing the Truth.

That is not to say that I’m exactly… um… centered here. That’s largely a matter of circumstance. I’m not finding any Balance, which is a more abstract motivation to return to Kansas City. I’m not doing any good to anyone being holed up and cut off from friends and strangers alike. In Kansas City, at least, I was affecting people in a positive way. I do not, however, want to return to Kansas City so I can try to get the most out of Metro and Life Group. No, I won’t make that mistake again. I have affection for many of the people there, but it’s not “my church.”

I have given you a months’ worth of comment material. It’s open season, so pick whatever points you find most troublesome or resonant. I’m generally frustrated by society and religion, so I don’t think I can possibly be offended at this point, but I hope I haven’t stepped on any toes here. I can’t imagine I have, and if you’re offended, then you probably misinterpreted my meaning. I can only hope to try to further explain some of the points here if necessary, since they essentially form a truncated laundry list of over-simplified principles.

I personally prefer to internalize my faith, but this powder keg was a long time coming.