Rise of the Warrior Bard

I am extremely frustrated.

First of all, obviously, I am frustrated because I can’t change the world (see previous post). I can’t stop bad things from happening. I can’t dish out some cold-served justice. I can’t do anything but sit here.

I’m frustrated because of money. I can’t afford to drive to see my family if and when something bad happens. I can’t visit friends to make something good happen, either. Eventually, I’ll need a new computer, new car, and new whatever-else-that-breaks-or-becomes-obsolete, but I’m having a hard enough time just paying the bills.

”Luke? Luke’s crazy. He can’t even take care of himself, much less rescue anybody.”

That “Sith apprentice” piano/composition student abruptly quit. He was just too overworked with other stuff, and he had to cut something out. It’s frustrating hunting for piano students—especially when you so desperately need that money and are counting on it to survive.

I am also extremely frustrated by this on-again, off-again training crap. No more ebb-and-flow of self-loathing and self-respect. I must make it a priority to train martial arts every day for the rest of my life, because that is what discipline is. No more relapses into dry spells, going days or weeks without so much as a kihon drill.

Define yourself through actions, not words.

Just because I don’t have my own space doesn’t mean I should be a lazy little bitch. Also, I have numerous uniforms of different weights and fabric blends. I brought them all with me when I moved to Texas, so I should use them all. Just because I can’t afford a membership to the Shotokan dojo doesn’t mean I can’t stay true to my discipline.

I need to go hardcore.

I bought a hoodie. I’ve never even owned a hoodie before now, but I found the perfect shirt for this particular “attitude,” and it’s a hoodie. Dark gray (almost black) with white specks, like the granite of my enemies’ tombstones. But this is no stoner’s hoodie—it is the hoodie of an action hero.

I suspect the designers were giving a nod to the current popularity of Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and Assassin’s Creed with the cut of this hoodie. The torso is trim but flexible, allowing for mobility in combat. The forearms border on too smug, begging to be equipped with bracers or gauntlets. The cut of the hood itself is overly generous, hiding the eyes in true Sith fashion.

Take the spirits of Vader’s secret apprentice from The Force Unleashed and Desmond from Assassin’s Creed, then add a dash of Jason Bourne, and you’ve got the hoodie. That’s why I had to buy it, you see. This is what you wear when you have to be in public but you want to be left alone. This is what you wear when you’re on a mission.

I love the hoodie. Never thought I would, but tastes change. Like I said, I need to go hardcore. This winter looks like it’s going to be rough indeed.


Listening List:
Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (John Williams)
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Mark Griskey)
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (Elliot Goldenthal)
Terminator Salvation (Danny Elfman)
King Arthur (Hans Zimmer)
The Last Samurai (Hans Zimmer)
Kingdom of Heaven (Harry Gregson-Williams)
Inception (Hans Zimmer)
The Bourne Supremacy (John Powell)
The Bourne Ultimatum (John Powell)